Rock Bottom
by Kiki Kiko Productions
Summary: Shizuo couldn't afford to lose his job. It was the only job left in 'bukuro that he could take on, and Kasuka was tired of job searching for him. He walked up to the door of the place he would be working for hopefully a very long time. 'I've got this.' He thought to himself, as he walked in to the gay strip club, not knowing what to expect.
1. Prologue

**Hey LISTEN. STOP SCROLLING AND LISTEN.**

**_Tree Notes:_**  
Kiko: So this our first fic writing as Kiki, and Kiko. We hope you guys enjoy it. Our writing styles vary from chapter to chapter, because this is a compilation and we're not the same people. So enjoy readers, because you're about to go on one cray cray ride.  
Kiki: I feel like the title of this thing is like an episode of Spondgebob. You know the one where they go to rock bottom.  
Kiko: Oh yeah. Well that's ironic.  
**Enjoy~**  
_**-Kiki&Kiko**_  
(_Children of Trees_)

**Disclaimer: We own nothing.**

* * *

**Prologue**

"PAY UP BALDIE OR I'LL BREAK YOUR ARM!" Shizuo roared as the bald man tried to run away with his illegally free bag of chips unsuccessfully.

You can agree with me that clearly, stealing from Heiwajima Shizuo, THE Heiwajima Shizuo, 'bukuro's most violent creature, is never a good idea.

He charged at the thief and grabbed him by his arm. The man tried to twist away from him, but Shizuo held on tightly, too tightly.

Unluckily for both of them that day, they heard a loud snap, followed by the bald thief's scream. When Shizuo looked down, he saw the man's arm become limpid and realized that he had accidentally broken it just as he had threatened.

"Ah. Oops. " was all he could say.

Baldie was in too much pain to properly respond.

His manager who had seen the whole thing …

"WHY DID YOU BREAK HIS ARM?!" His boss shrieked.

"HE TOOK A PACK OF CHIPS WHILE I WAS PACKING THE VENDING MACHINE AND DIDN'T PAY THE 2.50!"

Shizuo quickly snatched the bag of chips out from the man's violently shaking hand and placed it into the vending machine. You see, with Shizuo's anger management issues he had recently been jumping from one job to another, lasting at most only a few days before doing something stupid.* (*read as: violent) Only fired two hours after employment was a new record.

His brother, Kasuka had been pulling strings around Ikebukuro to get his brother a job whenever he was fired, but he had gone through so many jobs that there were almost no available jobs for him.

Except for one.

* * *

**Tree Notes (cont.)**

Kiko: Aaaaand that was that. Flamers are welcome. Though we look more for criticism and on what we can do better.

Kiki: Woah my first fic EVER. Geez writing that felt like i was doing homework. Lol. Oh golly, I dunno what to put in here...Uh...Hi there~. **  
**


	2. Chapter 1

**You. Yes you. Don't scroll. Look at the disclaimer.**

**Disclaimer: We own nothing. Drrrr! Belongs to it author, the artwork belongs to its artist, and only the idea of this fic really belongs to us.**

**Tree notes:**

Kiko: So don't sue us. Please.

Kiki: but i own Shizzy. he's mine girls! lol JK.

-_**Kiki&Kiko**_  
_(Children of the Trees)_

* * *

**CHAPTER 1**

He had hit rock bottom.

Shizuo Heiwajima could not hold any type of job for long periods of time. Due to anger management issues and his uncontrollable monstrous strength he would usually get fired the first day if not the first hour on the job. He swore he had found his niche as a debt collector but not even _that_ worked out.

His brother had just about given up on helping him find some sort of employment, and rightly so. Shizuo must've seemed ungrateful with the amount of opportunities he'd lost. And what was worse was he only had a high school education. There was no University backing to place him in a nice office job, doing the same mundane thing as the person next to him. (Though he'd probably end up breaking the keys on the keyboard eventually)

Still this was the last, and Kasuka had even stated it, _the last_ job he'd help Shizuo find. Because after that he was on his own. And Shizuo knew that would wind him up in jail.

But this, _this_ was rock bottom.

At least Kasuka had tried to find him a classy place. Though this type of establishment could only be but so…classy.

Who was he kidding; very few strip clubs were ever classy.

But it paid well enough, it was a lot like a bartending job, he found the drunker he could get clients the more they mistook 1,000 yen for 5,000 and the more tips he made. But there a few differences he couldn't overlook.

One of them being the humiliatingly tight and uncomfortable pleather _thing_ they dared to call a 'uniform'. He could barely walk around without some sort of chafing occurring between his legs. The fact that he couldn't wear a shirt either was another deciding factor. The owner claimed that in order for the customer to have the 'ultimate experience' everything around them had to look appetizing. And there was Shizuo's ultimate problem, the customers.

The problem with working in a gay strip club, Shizuo found, was that he was not gay. He had never looked at a man in a sexual light – then again he'd barely done that to a female either – but he wasn't about to start now.  
That didn't discourage customers though. In fact they all seemed to enjoy the fact that he wasn't gay. They kept coming back, to try to 'convert' him. Trying to temp him, or seduce him. None of it worked, but it didn't stop them from trying.

"So, Shizue~" one of them cooed at him. A small framed man leaned against the bar. His thin body swayed invitingly in his seat to the tune of the music. He had beckoned Shizuo over to bring them drinks. But Shizuo realized quickly those were not his intentions.

The customer lightly cupped Shizuo's face in his hand, and brought his face closer to Shizuo's lips. He leaned in to whisper into Shizuo's ear. "Wanna Fuck?"

One eyebrow twitched. His jaws clenched. He never enjoyed one bit of any of his customer's attempts at seduction, but he couldn't dare to risk losing his job over his anger management issues. Shizuo's eyes were hidden behind his dark sunglasses. But he replied in a firm tone as he spit out his words. "Get Lost."

Shizuo stayed completely still and just stared at the man until he shrunk back into his seat. Clearly he was intimidated. Shizuo sighed, he was always placed in these types of situations. Situations that became uncomfortably sexual and innuendo filled, although he barely said a sentence to start it. He made a hiss of annoyance, trying not to let the margarita he was mixing spill as him fists trembled in irritation. He could feel the other hungry eyes trying to undress him where he stood.

Then, "Back off boys, he's mine for night." He heard the dramatic voice of his boss call.

Sashaying across the floor was, The Boss; a tall Russian drag queen made his dynamic glitter filled entrance. As usual he was there to save Shizuo's ass from immanent penetration.

"I need big, strong, sex machine to keep me in business." He announced to everyone in the vicinity. That was another thing: his boss was loud (and spoke broken Japanese). But he too was intimidating. Anyone who even dared to stare in the general vicinity was off put by his flamboyant and demanding dance. "Can't have, main attraction shirking for flirting."

There was a chorus of aw's and many disappointed eyes twinkled sadly in response from the tables he was working. But they left him be while he took away their drinks. And as usual, they became distracted by the dancers on stage again.

Shizuo met his boss back at the main bar. He could barely open his mouth before his boss spoke.

"I don't know how you do it, Shizuo." He said, his voice lowering about 3 octaves from the one he had used minutes before. He sounded more like himself that way.  
"I'm not trying Simon." Was Shizuo's reply to the burly, dark skinned man.

"In Russia we call that дразнить. You can look, but cannot touch."

"Isn't that what this?" Shizuo rolled his eyes around to gesture to the entire establishment. "Is all about?"

"It make ends meet." The man shrugged, and spoke in his usual broken japanese. "Wish. day job. pay. this good."

By his day job, Simon had meant his restaurant, Russia Sushi. Out of everyone in Ikebukuro, he had not expected his boss to be a hulking afro-russia who could almost match his strength. But by dark this man shed his white uniform, for more gaudy attire. He had never imagined the man to be able to strut in pink six inch heels, but he did so with ease, and just maybe, just maybe made Shizuo admit the man had flare.  
"I have to say, I never thought you'd be the type to own a gay strip club." Shizuo leaned against the counter in an accepted kind of incredulity.

"I did. not. think. Shizuo. type. to. make. hair. brown." Simon smirked back.

Shizuo touched his brown locks and chuckled. "Yeah I guess I shouldn't be talking."

He had dyed his hair back to its original brown color, and used the alias Shizue, in order to fit in, not that is was very effective. But he wanted as few people to know that he, Shizuo Heiwajima, was working in gay strip club… even if it was as a server. The blonde hair would've been a dead giveaway.

Still no one suspected him so far. He felt he was safe.

"I need a smoke." Shizuo stood to go outside, but felt a large hand grab him.

"No, no smoke on job. You know rules."

Shizuo frowned in response. Simon usually had no problem with stepping out to at least take a breather. Not allowing him to smoke meant only one thing."Who am I severing?"

"Special customer." Simon replied vaguely.

"No shit. Who is it?"

Simon only stopped him from smoking if he'd be serving one customer and one customer only. Being the best at his job had perks that he didn't feel were perks. One of those perks being to wait hand and foot on big spenders. The tips were amazing for both the stripper and the server.

But Simon said the smell of smoke sometimes turned off customers. And Simon would do not do anything to risk his business.

"Not telling."

"_Simon_."

"Just big spender; _Regular_ big spender."

Shizuo groaned, because it could only be one person.  
The Flea.

Shizuo groaned. "It's Orihara Izaya isn't it?"

* * *

**Tree Notes (cont.)**

Kiki: the previous chapter was more of our prologue~

Kiko: So this is the official beginning to our fic. Ignore the fact that the first chapter _may_ _have said chapter one._ Ahaha~We're working on that.


	3. Chapter 2

**Tree Notes**

Kiki: PLEASE! PUHLEAHZE review and tell us whether u like it or not! Oh btw if u see a russian word and u dont know what the heck it means just use google translate~

Kiko: As Kiki said; we would appreciate it if you did review. It means a lot to us that you're reading this story(and reading past the first chapter).

Enjoy~  
**Kiki&Kiko**  
_(Children of the trees)_

**Disclaimer: The characters used are not our own. Durarara! Belongs to its creators.**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Simon didn't need to say anything. In fact he didn't say anything at all. His boss watched him as he walked outside. He didn't care. He needed a light.

The night air was cold, but filled with neon glowing lights of cheaper businesses that ran along the streets. It was like his own personal light show every night. But it was always the same things illuminating the darkness.

He was the only one out there, at the time. He forgot what time it was but if it wasn't his break, or time to quit, he usually didn't care.

He pulled out a cig that he was able to squeeze into one of the shallow pockets of his shorts and then felt around for his matches or at least his lighter.

Neither were there. In this glossy death trap of an outfit, he was stuck with a cigarette, no lighter and no one to light him up.

He grunted in utter irritation and stormed back into the bar, meeting face to face with his boss' smug look.

"Something you look for, Shizue?" His boss grinned, a customer was a foot away ordering a drink. Simon had some how lured the man away from his companions and was lustfully staring deep into the drag queen's eyes. Simon kept serving him drinks.

"Where's my lighter Simon?" Shizuo demanded. His fists clenched over his only cigarette in irritation.

"Lighter? I do not understand word." Simon nonchalantly shrugged not breaking eye contact with his customer. "But I understand, no smoking on job."

"Don't fuck around with me Simon" Shizuo gritted his teeth.

"I not fuck around with Shizue." His smile widened. "Shizue is straight man."

"Simon. I swear to god–"

"Why you try to smoke in first place?" Simon questioned lightly finally breaking eye contact. "It bad for body. Bad for soul."

"Where the hell is my lighter?!" Shizuo howled. The customer, startled by his tone, jumped and clambered away from the bar.

Simon watched him leave silently, pursed his lips, and then turned his gaze back to Shizuo. "You should not talk that way. It scare customers. I do not need angry sever. I need good server. You not hard to replace, Shizuo."

Shizuo could sense the threat. And he refused to get fired over an argument for a lighter. That had already happened…

Twice.

Shizuo sat on a bar stool and leaned his back against the bar. He sighed in defeat. "Why me then?"

Simon leaned forward placing his elbows onto the bar. "I do not choose you. If up to me, you would be nowhere _near_ big spender."

"You mean THAT FLEA."

"Izaya."

"Whatever."

"My bar get destroyed, my dancers injured, what good come out of that?"

Shizuo gulped. He knew what would happen if he lost his temper. He could see it playing out in his mind. This place would be in shambles before the night was over.

"So why are you making me do this?"

"It was regular's request."

Shizuo recoiled as if he had been punched. "The flea requested _me_. Is he _trying_ to run you into the ground?"

Simon shook his head. "He does not know you. He think you are Hakagawa Shizue. And you are last server he has not requested."

That made it no less suspicious to Shizuo. He, being _the last sever to be requested_. That was too Izaya-like to not be suspicious.

What if he knew?

I mean, Izaya was an informant after all…

But Shizuo pushed that thought to the back of his mind. If he became paranoid he really would end up blowing his cover, and he would never hear the end of it, from anyone.

What could he do? He was being backed up into a corner with no easy way out.

"Fine." Shizuo sighed. It felt like someone had dropped an anvil on his back. "But you better save my ass if it looks like about I'm about to beat him down with a stripper pole."

Simon's face light up and his bubblegum pink lips tore into a smile. "I do not think it your ass that will need the saving Shizuo."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing Shizue. Big spender here in 5. Go to booth 7 front row, right corner." And with a reassuring swat to his butt Simon sent him off.

* * *

He pulled his hat low to head to hide most of his face. (And most of his shame.) He tried to walk as calmly as he could over to the booth. But that was difficult. He was regretting adding a pair of suspenders to his typical ensemble. He didn't want to be more exposed to the flea than he had to be. But in a rush, he had tightened the straps too much, and now he was chafing.

This situation could not be more uncomfortable. But as long as that louse didn't know it was him he should have been fine.

_Should have been_, but he wasn't.

When he approached the table he noticed the flea was by himself, and had a glass of alcohol already emptied.

He wondered who had tried to serve Orihara before him.

"Ah, took you long enough." The raven haired man said arrogantly. "I was starting to think you were afraid of me." He flashed that all so familiar grin to Shizuo.

_Let's see if I've got my little bro's acting skills..._ Shizuo thought to himself."May I take your order?"

"What, no friendly conversation to start off my night? I'm a regular after all." Izaya interlocked his fingers in a bussiness like fashion. "Imagine if I stopped coming here on _your_ account."

Shizuo forced himself not to pinch the bridge of his nose. He took a deep breath, and repeated to himself not to get irritated this early on. _I__ g__uess my lil' bro didn't leave any show skills to me huh..._

"Let me try this again." He bit his tongue. "How are you?"

Izaya's eyes lit up for a brief second in amusement, then he laughed. He laughed hard. "How are you? That's the first time I've heard that at a strip club. You're so awkward Shizu-chan."

Shizuo kept his head down, trying to conceal his shocked expression. Did he just call him Shizu-chan? He couldn't know could he? Did he know?! He tried to keep his head.

The flea must have noticed how uncomfortable he looked.

"Do you not like being called that?"

Shizuo again tried not to look so surprised but he failed miserably.

"N-Not really."

"Everyone seems to call you that though."

"I'm not fond of it."

"I'll call you Shizue then." Izaya declared. "After all, a nick name isn't special if everyone says it."

"Ok then."

"Is that it?" Izaya questioned with a hint of curiosity in his voice.

"If its' what the customer wants."

"Ah," He laughed to himself. "Shizue's so nice."

Who was this guy and where the hell was that sneaky little bastard Izaya Orihara?! Was this what Izaya was like to other people? Was he bullshitting him? Or maybe he was less of a smartass when he was drunk?

"So why isn't Shizue nice to all the other customers? You have reputation to be rather болезненно чувствительный"

"What?"

"Its Russian, it means pissy, irritable, and sensitive."

"Because people piss me off."

"Funny that you would pick a job working with _people_."

"It's not like I have a choice." Shizuo grumbled and pulled his hat lower.

"Why don't you have a seat?"

"I have to work."

"Yes, you're my server for the night. Therefore you can sit down."

"I'm here to serve you drinks not to sit and chat about my life."

"Fine then" Izaya leaned back into his booth and crossed his arms. "Take my order."

"What do you want to drink?"

"I'll take the raging virgin." He didn't even blink.

Shizuo's face contorted into a confused expression. If it was a common drink, he had never mixed it before.

"We don't serve that here." He finally replied.

Izaya snorted. "Who said it was a drink?"

Shizuo's mind couldn't form a complete thought. He mouth opened to speak, but the words 'fuck off' didn't roll off his tongue as they naturally would. Who in the hell was he talking to? Because this was _not_ Orihara Izaya. This had to be some weird clone that was throwing various innuendo's his way as if he _wasn't_ this guys mortal enemy.

Oh wait.

He didn't _know_ he was talking to the guy who threw vending machine at him on a day to day basis. His brown hair kept him clear of suspicion. No one would ever suspect 'Shizue' was also Ikebukuro's monster, Shizuo. its almost funny what one syllable can change.

Dumbass.

Izaya chuckled again. "You see Shizu-chan. I have a reputation here too. I'm not sure if you realize this, but every server who's ever served me personally…_well_ I give them a little _extra_ tip."

Shizuo must have been going deaf as well. "I have a reputation here too. I'm not sure if you realize this, but I'm **_not gay_."**

**"**Yet."

Yet?! He would always be straight. There was nothing that would ever change that.

"What makes you so special from all the other dicks trying to get into my pants?"

"You obviously haven't been in bed with me."

"I don't want to."

"You're working at a _gay bar_, and you're telling me you've never even thought about having sex with a man?"

"Not once."

"As Simon says 'фигня'. I'll bet there's some guy in here, at least _one,_ that you've wanted to pound against a wall all night."

"No, that's disgusting."

"Then how about this we make a bet…we'll have a drinking contest. If you win I'll never request you again, and I'll leave the biggest fucking tip you've ever _seen_. But if I win…" Izaya leaned in to whisper into Shizuo's ear. "You're coming back with me. And I'll prove you wrong... _personally_." He blew hot minty air into Shizuo's ear and called over another server ordering drinks for them both.

He wasn't sure what possessed him that night. Maybe it was the low lighting, maybe it was the chance to see his nemesis proved wrong, hell maybe it was due to nicotine deprivation.

_I__f that flea's plotting something... Oh well. He doesn't know its me. I'll be fine._

In retrospect his decision would be the single best, worst decision of his entire life.

"You've got a bet." _  
_


	4. Chapter 3

HEY YOU GUYS GUESS WHAT THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PIECE OF INFO RIGHT HERE:

Towards the end of this chapter, we stopped writing in third person. We each wrote our pieces separately and then had the other puzzle piece our writings together until they fit into each other. That being said. There will be a warning that the PoV is changing right before the switch.

THIS IS WHY YOU GUYS SHOULD READ OUR TREE NOTES. YOU WILL GET CONFUSED OTHERWISE.

INSERT DISCLAIMER HERE. [We do not own drrrrr!]

**Enjoy~**  
**Kiki & Kiko**  
(_Children of the trees_)

* * *

"I can't believe it…" There was a sense of incredulity in his tone.

"You lost." The other man replied.

"Yeah." Izaya blinked in a dazed recognition. "I did… didn ai?"

Shizuo looked at the spectacle he had caused. He had set up a round of shots neatly when they had started. But now the glasses were strewn all over the table. There were small puddles of tequila that spotted its surface.

Shizou's monstrous strength had come in handy in this situation. To fuel his strength his metabolism was rather high, making his body process alcohol at a faster rate. The server only felt a bit tipsy, and by the looks of the Orihara, his body couldn't take much more liquor before he passed out.

He had won the bet he'd made with Izaya... but at what cost?

"Y'know I think I'm drunk… like relly, relly drunk…" Izaya giggled childishly. "sooooo drunk tha I coul jus pass out righ 'ere."

"Please don't."

He was leaning on the Heiwajima. Shizuo twitched as he realized he had just made a horrible, horrible mistake. A drunk Orihara Izaya was much worse than a sober Izaya. He was too energetic, too talkative and too touchy. It was as if all the things about Izaya had been calibrated to a concentration 1000% stronger than how it normally was.

But this should've at least taught him a lesson though. 'Shizue' was to not be messed with, and would never be his personal server again.

Plus the tip would be tremendous.

"Naaaah, a bet'sa bet righ? I'll jus leave sum cash 'ere and you'll never see me again."

At the moment however, he was stuck with this hot mess of an informant, who could barely walk.

He slapped down so many bills it made it his head spin as he stood to leave. The Orihara only made it two steps before tripping on air and falling face first into the ground.

Correction, Izaya couldn't walk at all.

And just then Simon approached him.

"Shizu…e." He looked down at Izaya. "What you did to big spender?"

"Don't look at me, he did it to himself."

"You drunk Shizue?"

"Maybe."

"You smell of vodka."

"Don I always?"

"Not same smell. And usually it cigarettes." Simon paused and looked at Izaya, who was trying pushing himself back up. At least it looked like he was trying to... Maybe. "What you do to him?"

Shizuo sighed. "We had a drinkin contest."

"And you win?"

"Whatdoesit look like?"

"It look like big spender fallen and cannot get up…and Shizue not that far from it."

"'m fine."

"Good. Then you take regular home with you."

"Wait…. WHAT?!"

"I not repeat self. You get regular drunk. You take him home."

"Not to my place!"

"Where he to go? You think Izaya know how to go home like this?"

"I'll ha'v ya know" Izaya said his face now glued to the floor. "tha I am a perfe'kt'ly able boded ccccitizen of the….wha pre'ect am I in?"

The two ignored him.

"Can't he have someone else take 'em?"

"Shizue this is part of job. Take responsibility for action."

He could hear his bosses tone becoming more edgy. On the verge of firing him. Shizuo sighed.

"Well shit." He slinged the man's limp arm over his shoulder and proceeded to drag the intoxicated Orihara out the door like a dead body. "At least he's letting me off early."

Shizou left without another word.

* * *

**(Kiki) SHIZUO'S PoV**

I kick the door to my apartment open and set the tiny brunette on my couch. He drools a bit on my hand.

Gross…

I slip off Izaya's shoes and toss them aside. Taking his jacket off of him was harder than it looked. Just the fact that I was removing an article of clothing off of him made him start with these dirty remarks and he keeps flailing around like an idiot. Buying duck tape on the way back would've been a great idea.

"Ne~ Shizueee~~~ tryin ta seduuucee mee? Ahm a guud lay ya know." The little brunette slurred drunkenly and started spreading his thin legs. "yuh know yu can jus do me if ya likee~~ I bet ya've got a big one~~"

Why is that damn flea in MY apartment?! I couldn't help but wallow in my own self-pity because I'd have to deal with that flea's annoying voice all night.

That's it I'm getting the duct tape. I'm getting ready to leave, when all of a sudden I hear something clang on the ground. It sounds like metal. I look over to see the flee with a flask of god knows what. He's fumbled it, and I'm just glad its not opened yet.

I march back over to him.

"What the fuck is that?"

"h'ome recipice. Goo' schtuff y'know?" I can't tell if he's drank any of it, but he sounds drunker than before. "its reeeeal good."

I snatch the flask from the carpet, unscrew the cap and down it as quickly as I can. I don't need him drinking any of this after the shots we did at the bar.

"Shizu-caaaan~ that was miiiiine~" he whined almost instantly.

"Too baaaad." I replied slurring my words.

Woah.

What the hell was in this stuff?

I don't feel stable.

I feel like I'm gonna fall at any minute.

I need to sit down.

I tripped a few times walking back to the couch. I tried to balance myself on my own two feet but nothing was working.

Izaya laughs at me. "Yer drunk."

"Shuddup" I growl.

"Naaaaah, Shizu-chan's waaaaaaaaaaay drunk." He purposefully pronounces his K with emphasis. "He drank aalllll my homebrew."

"Wha was in that."

"I don know. Shizu-chan drank it all before I could tryyyy" Izaya moaned, filling the room with his drunk despair.  
Izaya then curled up crying and sniffling. His ruby eyes sparked as tear droplets fell to his flushed cheeks.

"H-hey don, don, don cry."

"But shizu-chan, I wannned that brew soooo muuuch." He's really cute when he isn't being an asshole. "an, an , an."  
He couldn't finish his sentences before bawling.

"Izayuh wuts wrong? " My heart really hurt just looking at the skinny brunette shedding tears in front of me. I can't deal with sad people. So I did what I used to do to Kasuka. I pulled him into my lap and started stroking his hair. We stayed like this for a while and he began to calm down. Guess I didn't need to…what was I going out to get?

It turns out Izaya's the sentimental kind of drunk. It's kind of funny to look at him when he's drunk… his cheeks are a rosy pink and his lips are reddened from biting on them. He also seems to have no problem spilling out everything that's wrong with his life to 'Shizue'.

"An~ an theeeennn Namie started deleting all my cell numberrrsss again an I haf ta deal wif hurr! " Izaya was clinging to me crying about how bitchy Namie can get. Every once and a while he'd mention how interesting his little humans are. "An there's one human that I – I dun thin he's human a' allllll."

"Hmm? Who?"

"This guy…Haywaaahjeeemah, Shizuoooo"

* * *

**(Kiko) Izaya PoV **

It feels so nice, being petted. I have preferences however. I prefer to be drunk in a way, so as to feel a strange euphoria that blocks the rest of my senses (including my common sense to cut you in all the fatal areas I know). I also have a preference to be held, because many have said I am cold heartless bastard. I also have a preference for good looking men. Particularly the brunet who was holding me right now.

It may, or may not have been the wisest choice to get absolutely smashed _at_ the strip club I regulate, but I trusted Simon enough to send me home with someone attractive.

His petting me right now seems to be a bonus. If I were a cat I would purr, and then claw deep into his skin until it burned. This guy really knew how to one-up me.

I thought I could hold my liquor, but this guy, didn't even blink after the fourth round. There are so many secrets shrouding Hakagawa Shizue and I wanted to pry open every one. First slowly working at the cracks, then finally prying his hinges off with a crowbar. Because I had never heard of a Hakagawa Shizue before. Nothing had come up in any database I had and none of my contacts had any dirt behind him. Which is weird for someone working in a strip club.

I always play with my meals before I devour them, and Shizue was someone that I was too eager to sink my teeth in. Maybe my sudden eagerness was what caused me to be so brash. How much could this man be hiding from me? It could not be more than what I hid from everyone else.

I decided to spill some of my daily grievances however. Maybe it would bring me closer to finding out who Shizue really was.

But it seemed that my more… animalistic instincts kicked in before my brain could properly function. I became lost in a sort of haze. I couldn't really control what I was saying. And Shizue's petting was really, really distracting. I'm still questioning his sexuality as we speak. He could _not _be this good and yet this oblivious.

I began losing myself more in more in little bits of conversation. I brought up a few things, a few coworkers, I think I even stained our conversation with that Brute of a Heiwajima. His brother was so much more civilized, and so much easier to manipulate. He would do anything for his older brother, even make him disappear off the face of the earth if he wanted. And I hadn't seen much of that Neanderthal around…I wonder where he went?

"Heiwajima, Shizuo?" the brunet drunkenly stared back. He was tense. This topic was sensitive to him. Maybe he knew something.

"Yeaaaah." I continued my lackadaisical tone. "He's suh a barbariannnn. He seeeeeees me an the firs fuckin thin 'e does is throw a vendin machine at mah faaaaace."

"Relly?"He continued to pet me, but I seemed to rile him up a bit. I didn't want to stir him up too badly now. I could get whatever I wanted from him in the morning. His knowing _something_ about that disgusting monster made me want him more.

"Yeah. But I don wanna talk abou him anymore." I continued reaching up listlessly towards Shizue's face. "'e leaves a baaad taste in my mouthhh."

He seems sort of uncertain, but we're both drunk, and I don't really care about his uncertainly.

Because there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to fuck him. And I _would _fuck him. And it would happen _to-night_. He would come to terms with it. That was a given.

Plus, if Shizue wasn't lying and actually seemed to have a phobia about having sex then this would be the best opportunity to get any information I wanted out of him…and have a little….fun doing it.

Doing it.

Pffft.

I see what I did there.

Very clever myself. Ve-ry clever.

I giggled at my own thought.

"What's so funny?" The brunet questioned.

"Nothing~" I smiled back. And picked a section of Shizue's brown hair to twirl in my fingers.

Because there's nothing wrong with just toying with someone. They're all humans, and I love them equally, in fact they should be gracious about the fact that I, Izaya Orihara, love them all. I just happened to be expressing a certain need to a particular individual at this moment in time. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Nothing.  
Nope.  
Absolutely…  
What was I thinking about again?

Ah yes, nailing this Hakagawa.

"Bu y'know wha?"

"Wut?"

"I think, Shizu-chan can help me get rid of tha nasty taste."

"What do y' mean by that?" He seemed truly confused. And a bit on edge.

"Weeeeell, I think shizu-chan has somethin I want…like righ now…"

"Do y'know some water?" _Really?_ Did I have to spell it out for him?

"Noooo something else….somethin y've been keepin from meeee."

"Yer not getting that brandy baccck." He responded. "I drank it all member?"

"I want to do the dirty...with Shizue."

"Yer not messin up my house, took me a fuggin week to geddit this clean"

_…_

_…._

_…._

_THIS BITCH._

"God Shizu-chan I wanna fuck you!" I finally shouted. He looked startled before his face contorted in a confused and then stubborn confession.

"No. I don do guys. Das gay."

"You work ata gay bar."

"'m notta gay dough."

"Well wha if 'm not a guy?"

"You're ah reglar ata gay bar."

"No, no, no, noooo. Don think like tha." I search around this floor. Somehow I didn't notice it to be this messy when I first stumbled in here. But its like a cesspool. And there happens to be just what I need.

I draw up a black tie from the pile.

"Here." I said showing him the piece of cloth.

"Whadoido with this?"

"Weeeell if y' can't see me than you won know is a man."

"You 'ave a penis."

"I can make a verrrrry convincin woman."

He doesn't say anything. He turns his head and won't look at me. The tips of his ears are flushed red and I realize he's blushing. He's shy. I try to hide my laughter.

"You won know the difference."

His mocha colored eyes shift back at me. Actually I'd love to see their reactions to what I'll do to him, especially in this state. Watch them grow wide in realization, of his actions and then figure out that he can't go back to nomalcy - but I guess I'll wait till the morning to see that.

He lets out a warm puff of air and I take that as a signal of consent. I slowly draw the tie around his eyes. Filtering his view, and blinding him from me and the rest of the world. If he thinks that he'll still be himself after this, well, he had another thing coming.

Actually when I'm through with him, his life will never be the same.

And will he ever regret trying to deny Orihara Izaya of the D.

* * *

Tree Notes:

Kiki: HAHAHA YEAH WE STOPPED IT THERE! SUFFER WAITING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER HAHAHA! It was cut off right before the smut. Oh yeah, and the speech is clearly and purposely badly spelled because they are drunk.

Kiko: Thank you all so very much for the reviews! We really appreciate your feedback, in whatever form it comes.  
For this chapter please forgive us, because the spelling for this chapter is purposefully atrocious. We sound like we reverted into first graders when someone tries to speak. We hope its at least understandable! However if you guys can't understand anything then please let us know, and we will mystically put subtitles under things or change the way its written.


	5. Day one

**_Tree notes~_**

Kiko: Oh look its that new chapter you've all been waiting for...

Kiki: Hey! Sorry this chapter took so long. We were perfecting it. Oh yeah, I'm going to be away in Colombia for a nose job so wish me luck on my surgery!

**Enjoy~**  
_**-Kiki&Kiko**_  
(_Children of Trees_)

**Disclaimer: We own nothing**

* * *

Shizuo's world had gone dark. The last image he saw was of Izaya's smug and very drunk looking grin.

As if being overly intoxicated hadn't already made him see the world through a filter. Now he was blind. Now he felt vulnerable. And he was regretting his choice of letting the flea out of his sight. He had no idea, just what the hell the louse had in store for him but –

Something connected with his lips. A warm, hot something that silenced even his internal ramblings. It was another set of lips. And they were an experienced pair.

He hadn't ever really experienced kissing before; (Since no one would get closer than 10 feet to him on a regular day.); but he could tell this guy knew what he was doing. He really KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING.

Wow.

OH HELL WOW.

Shizuo's mind melted in a matter of seconds.

Any resistance he had before was completely obliterated and replaced with awkward uncertainty. Shizuo tried to kiss him back, but being new at this intimate form of contact, he really had no idea what he was doing.

Relying on his sense of touch, Shizuo could tell the raven's thin legs were wrapped around him. Izaya was sitting right on top of him, his thighs pressing on Shizuo's lower body, pinning him down to the couch with kisses. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, he was trapped. And he liked it.

Just then something warm had slipped inside of Shizuo lips, and began to explore his mouth. This stranger was uninvited, and it was so Izaya-like to think he didn't need an invitation. For a moment, Shizuo forgot who he was with and roughly shoved his tongue deep into the other's warm mouth. But forgetting for a moment was where he started to lose it...

"Hmm~!" Izaya hummed in delight at Shizuo's brute force.

Shizuo could tell, from the other's reactions, that he had successfully dominated this match, winning himself a tiny victory. As their fun continued, he felt the body on top of him becoming greedier and greedier. He felt Izaya's lithe hips pushing down against his own, causing a shock of delicious friction between two bulges that were becoming harder by the second. By pure reflex, Shizuo pushed his hips upwards against Izaya's, and from the darkness Shizuo's ears and mouth detected a sweet gasp from the Orihara. As he momentarily let go of the Heiwajima's lips, it allowed Shizuo a second to breathe.

Shizuo didn't realize how much air he had lost until he filled his lungs back up. He waited for some sort of rage to bubble up inside him after realizing what he'd done. He was surprised when it didn't form.  
It was that short pause that made Shizuo realize that a silent agreement had been made. Through the darkness of the blindfold, Izaya was looking at him in mutual astonishment, but for other reasons. He had been surprised by 'Shizue's' actions. Surprised, but not turned off in the least.

The duo ended up grinding onto each other, Izaya at first pushing down harder, as if trying to delve into Shizue's being, before Shizue started keeping pace with him. Breathing became more and more labored for them both. More and more huffs and gasps filled room. Izaya, of course, was more vocally reactive than Shizuo.

One small hand slid up to his shoulder to remove one of the suspenders Shizuo was still wearing. Izaya noticed the bright red marks that was digging into his skin, and wondered if he could make marks into this man's skin himself.  
His hands had slowly worked their way to Shizuo's chest, tracing the marks he wished he could make himself. Dexterous fingers moved in circlular motions around his exposed nipples giving the occasional pinch. He felt Izaya's supple lips leave his, only to trail themselves onto his neck and drop themselves down to meet where his hands had started. Izaya delicately licked one of Shizuo's nipples, and without warning bit harshly, earning a low, deep groan of delight from the bartender as his head sank back into the couch.

"Doesnet feel good Shizue-kun?" Izaya purred.

The bartender, long forgetting his reluctance to bed his enemy, softly whispered "more..."

"Hmm... wha was that?" Izaya's well known smirk flashed across his face for the blinded Heiwajima.

"...give. me. more." His voice was a quiet and low demand.

Izaya chuckled and Shizuo could feel the reverberation ring through his chest along with something moist tugging on one of his nipples. The Orihara toying with them. An odd sensation filled his body, a mixture of pleasure with twinges of pain. And with each tug, his shorts strained more to contain his hard erection. The stimulus was too intense. He had never felt things like this before.

Izaya began working his way down Shizuo's body, brushing his fingers along Shizuo's well built muscles, giving them light sucks, leaving his marks all over the bartender's beautifully sculpted torso. If it hadn't already Shizuo's awareness had slipped away for lust.

The Orihara hadn't been lying. He proved his skill enough already.

"This lil stiffy's been waitin too long ne~?" Izaya's comment made Shizuo shiver in anticipation. He knew what was going to happen next. Izaya's nimble fingers unzipped Shizuo's shorts. The informant pressed down his laughter into his lungs when he peeled Shizue's brief's off with dexterity. Finally Shizuo's manhood was exposed to the room's cool air.

A thin hiss escaped from Shizuo's lips.

He opened his mouth to breathe, but felt his breath hitch as Izaya's hands became began to work at his crotch. His lack of sight, heightened his other senses. To Shizuo everything Izaya did, everything Izaya touched, felt even more electrifying.

Before he could help it, a soft moan escaped his lips.

"Ah-ha!" Shizuo could feel the Orihara's smile pressing against his skin. "... I think I've found 'n innerestin new toy. Maybe I'll come to like 'em more than Shizu-chan."

This time Shizuo bit his lip and tried to turn his head away. Izaya saw this as an opportunity to make another mark… this one more permanent. He could feel the raven haired man slowly move from his navel to naw down into his neck. He could sense the tenderness that resulted from Izaya's bite. Yet there was no pain associated with it. Instead he was distracted by the fact that Izaya had chosen to only move one of his hands away and still and still maintain the same mesmerizing rhythm.

Shizuo had never physically felt the need to squirm unless it was to struggle, but there was no struggling now. Shizuo felt like prey caught under it's captor, losing control over his own body's reactions to Izaya's touch.

He needed something to grip onto, something to keep him stable. The inability to keep still, in combination with his sudden and strong intoxicated lust, was suffocating him. He was writhing under Izaya, and his body was drunk on pleasure. The desire for something stationary was now a need.

He tried holding onto the couch, but the leather material kept slipping out of his fingers. He needed something that he couldn't let go of so easily. There was no other choice than the body on top of him.

He had grasped randomly like a lost child until his hands came along cloth.

Cloth wasn't stable enough.

He pushed away the cloth until he felt flesh. Warm, smooth skin. It calmed him to hold onto to something or at least someone.

Shizuo was curious as to where he had placed his hold on the informant and so Izaya had left him a bit of time to explore his body as the cloth from that portion of his body was removed. He slid his hands up and down, blindly mapping out the other man's body. He found out his hands had rested on the other man's hips, however, as his hands scaled his body he felt a curvature that was peculiar to him.

Izaya's body was small and a bit bony but the curves he felt...

Didn't women have those things?

Izaya's body couldn't be this silky.

Why would it have these curves?

Shizuo's inebriated mind finally came to a logical conclusion.

This wasn't Izaya.

This was a woman.

An actual woman.

It made sense. Obviously, Izaya had replaced himself with a woman somehow after Shizuo had been blindfolded. And now there was a woman in his place, a small, flat chested woman. Before his shrouded eyes the picture he had of what was past the blindfold morphed form Izaya, to a more curvaceous more femine body. And suddenly Shizuo felt better.

* * *

Izaya was surprised when the brunet had reached for his hips out of everywhere for his hands to go. He was quite enjoying the way the server had moved his hips, watching his whole body move at the slightest touch. He wondered if the man below him know they he almost seemed to dance when he was being stimulated.

However it was even more surprising, when the server became curious about informant's body. Izaya allowed it. After all what was foreplay if only one person experienced it? He removed his shirt carelessly, allowing the blindfolded man to run his hands up and down his hips.

Shizue suddenly moved his hands down lower to the small of Izaya's back. The warm sensation of his fingertips surprised the young informant so much so that he lost his balance, toppling off the brunet and onto the floor.

A drunk giggle bubbled up from the informant's lips. The server seemed confused by the absence of Izaya's weight, along with the loud thud from the floor. He began blindly searching about for the brunette. He ran his hands along the floor in hopes of finding Izaya.

* * *

His hands were grasping randomly at thin air for anything that felt like a flea. But...what did a flea feel like again?

As a drunken Shizuo contemplated about this, he felt his hands fall on something clothed. Being blind, he didn't know yet what it could be... maybe boobs?

As he curled his fingers around the unidentified object he received a needy gasp from the lady on the floor.

"Sh-Shizu-chan!" It was the first time Shizuo had ever heard someone moan so erotically under his touch.

"Ah-Oops." Shizou said. But secretly, it excited him. Amazed by the voice that emerged from the 'woman' on the floor, he decided to continue his attack, massaging this woman's growing erection. Now, thinking back to the fact that women don't get erections. Something about the scene confused Shizuo's drunken little pea sized brain. But those thoughts were silenced as he focused more on his own growing... situation. As he lingered on the couch he sensed that, something stirred deep inside his core. He wanted to feel the body below him submit to his touches. He wanted to drink every moan that tumbled out of her lips. And most of all he wanted to hear her person scream his name. But first he had to get her off the floor.

"Coul we moooooove...like sum place more... spa...spashus?" she asked.

"We coul do it on tha floor." And at that point he wasn't kidding.

"Nooooooooooooooooooo don you hav a bedrem or somethin?" She whined like a spoiled child.

Shizuo sighed and stood casually as if he wasn't blindfolded; scooping up the smaller body bridal style and marching to his bedroom with ease.

"How'dja not miss?"

"When you walk aroun en sunglasses all day... ya get use to it."

"Even in the dark?"

"Yea, even in the dark."

He could the smirk in her voice. "Das sexyy."

Shizou leaned down, kissed her on the lips, and unceremoniously threw her onto the bed.

* * *

"Ah, geddin rough I see." Izaya posed sexually as if Shizue could see him.

"Nah, not yet."

"There's more?"

"You 'aven't seen anything."

"Thata challenge?"

"If you want it to be."

"My bodys' ready." Izaya daringly spread his legs wide open. Too bad the bartender was blindfolded. He was missing out.

Shizue only smirked.

He began his attack by ravishing Izaya's body with harsh bites. Izaya didn't let him down, eliciting gasps and moans. Flinching when the man was gentle and curling when he was harsh. It made Izaya question exactly who the hell this man thought he was, saying he had no intentions of ever wanting to fuck a man. Because this sonuvabitch was doing a damn good job at it. Izaya couldn't help but mewl and whimper for more. Who did this protozoan think he was, deteriorating him to this state of carnal need for raw sex.

Just as they had gotten to to point of no return. The server stopped. He began reverting back into uncertainty. Izaya wondered if the man was having second thoughts.

"Whats wrong baby?" Izaya asked. "why'd you stop?"

"What do I do now?"

"You fuck me, silly."

"How do I do that?"

He couldn't be serious. HE COULDN'T BE FUCKING SERIOUS. Izaya wanted to take the server's fingers and make him stretch his ass open himself because it was getting to that point where he didn't care. He just wanted. No more bullshit. It was time for things to get serious.

Izaya grit his teeth. "You take your dick and you shove it into me."

"Which hole?"

Which hole? WHAT THE FUCK DID HE MEAN WHICH HOLE? Unless he was into some really painful kinky shit there should only be one hole that he should be fucking.

"I'll show you." Izaya sighed, unzipping his pants and removing his underwear before taking Shizuo's hand and putting it into his mouth.

He wrapped his tongue sensually around each one of Shizue's digits, dampening each finger with a coat of saliva.

"H-hey. Are you sure this is how you do it?" Shizue questioned.

"When was the last time you got laid?" Izaya smoothly retorted.

That seemed to shut him up.

He guided the blind man's hands back down to his ass, slowly probing his anus with Shizue's lubricated fingers.

"This is the hole that you should be fucking." Izaya instructed hoping this to be the first and last time he ever had to do a step by step tutorial on how to fuck.

"...Like this?" The brunet grabbed one of the raven haired man's legs and slid a full finger up as if searching for something.

He found it almost instantly.

"Ah~" Izaya crowed in pleasure. "Yeah, jus' like tha'."

Shizue probed the same spot again if only to lap up Izaya's moans. Over and over slowly adding more fingers, Izaya's body contorted in pleasure, his legs kicking off the sheets of the bed in large folds.

In retrospect, Izaya had never been degraded to such an animalistic way of acting, and only Shizue had brought him to that level.

Izaya realized, after a while of preparation, that Shizue was more gentle than he expected, from what he saw of his first impression of this "Shizue" person. He had almost spent a full 10 minutes massaging his insides delicately. Being pampered like this was new to Izaya, and soon had him begging for Shizue.

"Now...do I?"

Izaya took a deep breath to keep his voice steady and aware. Though the amount of pressure building up from having Shizue finger him was getting to him.

"...y-yeah." even when trying to sound collected he sounded breathless, hot breaths seem to create the bed they were on and desire was beating exhaustion in Izaya's mind.  
His body only wanted the best and even though Shizue was a complete newbie, he had raised the bar for how sexually arousing someone could be while still acting stupid. He really hoped this wouldn't become a bad habit of his.

Izaya readied his body for penetration turning around and raising his ass into the air. All the while Shizue's hands never left his body.

He could feel the length quickly filling him. His breath hitched for the sudden new addition. It was then Izaya realized how completely new this guy was at sexual contact.

Almost immediately he began ramming into Izaya's anus, as if to keep pace with what his fingers were doing. To any other human this would've been a painful antic. But lo and behold Izaya, placed himself above humans, and was obviously strong enough to take it. He wouldn't admit it openly, but he rather enjoyed rough sex. It was the diamond in the rough type of sex. After a while you found the pattern and were able to angle yourself just right to have your partner hit your prostate in the exact spot again and again.

That's just what the informant was doing. He shifted his body here and there as if trying to guide the server back to the spot he had hit so perfectly with his fingers moments before.

"Shizu-chan~ p-please... more~" he moaned, each he became more and more vocal with his wants. Whether either of them knew it, Izaya was slowly losing himself, overcome with desire, he didn't even notice when Shizue's blindfold slid off his face and landed on his body.

Pressure built up in the Orihara's body. Pressure he wanted to release, only after Shizue had released his. That didn't mean he could prompt the brunet along.

"Ngh...S-Shizu-chan...'m ganna...ganna...haaa~..."

He didn't know what word it was but the server seemed to hear him loud and clear and began to fuck him even harder. This guy was like a monster. He could feel his toes curling and his back arching in need of release. He had grabbed onto the remaining sheets of the bed to hold that pressure.

It was during one of Shizue's finally pushes that Izaya couldn't take it anymore. Usually he could hold out, but it was if he lost control of that action the moment Shizue had slid his member into Izaya's greedy ass.

In a final moment of climax Izaya remembered shouting. He didn't really remember what it was, just that there was a labored grunt coming from behind him after he said it along with the feeling of Shizue's hot sperm filling his insides. His release was almost immediate. A pop of white clouded his vision for a second. It was like a camera taking a picture, that momentarily blinded him and the next thing he knew his body had collapsed on the bed.

He was unable to push himself back up, or to a different position than the one he was in now. For the first time in a history of a lays, Izaya could close his eyes and say he had been entirely satisfied.

* * *

_**Tree Notes cont.**_

Kiko: And that about wraps up this chapter. I might be riding solo on the next chapter considering Kiki's situation will not be the most comfortable one. In other news we're also busy prepping for a con this summer, this is why chapter updates are so slow. (Pushing aside the fact that these types are chapters are difficult for us to write. We're never really satisfied with them.) I hope you guys enjoy what we've written so far, but we have a secret. This fic is far from over.

Kiki: I'm not sure if that makes me happy or sad...

As always please review. We love hearing from you guys. Its sort of our kick in the pants to keep going!


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